Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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