I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize