She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
The Olympian is in my bed
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
