she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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