i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
