Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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