Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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