We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
