shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
