I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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