Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize