did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
