i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
