Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
