just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
