I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I touched a dick in church today
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
