i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize