I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
