ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
