we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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