went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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