Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Randomize
