omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
