oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
