We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize