Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
