Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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