Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
