Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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