You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Can I color on your dick again?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
