Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just had sex on a roof
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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