i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
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