hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize