She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
