Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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