do herpes really smell.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
