why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
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