so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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