And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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