We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I wish there were birth control emojis
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
