once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
