Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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