is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
