I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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