It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
