she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
