making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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