my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize