I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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