She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
vagina is talking i cant
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
