You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
