Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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