Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
