My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
