I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
