you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
