so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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