i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
