bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize