You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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