I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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