How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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