Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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