yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
