it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
