Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
