Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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