i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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