My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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