every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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