matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Well I just put wine in my tea
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
