U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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