she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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