why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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