Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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