Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize