i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I think my fart just growled at me.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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