I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
