come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
