Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I came so hard my ears popped.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
