I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize