we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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