...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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