Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
