I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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