ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize