im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
