You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
