ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
