If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
