cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
