She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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