rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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