DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize