Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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